Passing this subject could be the difference between life and death.
This article was previously posted on my “fun” blog. A litte site maintenance and BAM, I have a serious side too!
Author’s note: Although the bulk of my blog is devoted to recognizing absurdity in today’s culture, life is not all fun and games. Most of my daylight hours are spent in the serious field of driver education. I work with a company that certifies driver education at home. Tragically, we (the United States) have lost thousands upon thousands of teens in motor vehicle collisions. The most important factor in preventing teen collisions and fatalities is parent involvement. In the interest of encouraging parent participation and thereby reducing teen collisions, this article introduces some tips for parents working with thier teens. Mom and Dad, don’t be afraid–You can do it!
Driver training can be pretty scary stuff. I have been in the traffic safety industry for almost 12 years, and I can tell you stories that would make you jump out of your socks. Since obtaining my own driver license almost 20 years ago, I have made it a practice to avoid certain behaviors like driving in lanes designated for oncoming traffic, turning left on red-lights, or zooming through schools zones in excess of 10 miles per hour over the speed limit. Unfortunately, while avoiding these behaviors seems perfectly natural and logical to me, some of the students I have taught do not (initially) feel the same way. Of course, the purpose of driver training is to create safe habits and eliminate dangerous behaviors; in my line of work, some initial measure of unsafe driving is expected—hence the grey hair.
Sometimes parents come to me, whether for training or advice, because they feel overwhelmed by the task of teaching their child in the car. The concerns are pretty consistent, “I need to teach my teen, but I don’t want to die. What can you do to help me?” I am writing this column to address some of the uneasiness that you (as a parent or a teen) may feel about driver training.
Allow me to give you some assurance. First, permits are good (by permit, I am referring to the learner’s permit, instruction permit, driving permit or whatever other designation you may choose). I rarely give advice regarding obtaining a license, but I always counsel families that the permit to drive is a necessary, beneficial, and positive step forward in preparing your adolescent for the responsibility of adulthood. Obtaining a permit is truly a win-win-win situation for the teen, the parent, and the community. In the teen’s eyes, it is an earnest of the freedoms of adulthood that shows parental trust and confidence. From the parent’s perspective it is preparation for the teen’s adult responsibilities, permission to get the teen on the road, and a great motivator for obedience until the young adult moves out. To the community in general, the permit is a contract between the parent and the state that guarantees the new driver will stay off their lawns; the new driver will meet minimum standards for driving and that the parents will meet minimum standards of instruction. Your eyes do not deceive you; the government expects parents to participate in the driver training process.
While the degree to which you must participate varies from state to state, all states expect a measure of parental involvement. They may or may not supplement that parental involvement with professional instruction, but study after study shows the importance of parental involvement in the driver training process and states are listening.
A standard feature in our teaching process includes the use of videos (although we avoid gory presentations). I want to show you a video about current trends in driver licensing, but you will have to wait—if you leave now you will miss some good stuff. . .
Your second assurance, moms and dads are uniquely well qualified to teach their teens. Although there are a few exceptions (like a parent who does not possess a driver license) most parents’ driving resumes would include such qualifications as:
20+ years of driving including: night driving, winter driving, driving in heavy traffic, collision avoidance
15+ years of personal coaching and counseling with the individual to be trained
Intimate familiarity with the vehicle to be driven
Familiarity with the roadways to be driven
When you think about it that way, you can be pretty impressed with yourself. How much would you pay an instructor with the same credentials? No one knows your teen, your car, and your neighborhood better than you. You can do this! With that said, I have some advice to help you along the journey to safe driving habits. We just met, so I am going to keep things positive. Here are some things you want to do:
Do start your session with a prayer.
You both have expectations and you both probably have some trepidation. Invite God to join you in the instruction to provide divine guidance and protection.
Do remain calm.
Your teen driver is already nervous; even if he or she is not showing it. If you appear nervous, you will increase your teen’s anxiety and a nervous wreck is still a wreck. My informal survey reveals that the number one fear of teens is, “mom or dad will yell at me.” The number one parent fear is, “I am going to die or end up in the hospital.” Both of these fears are legitimate. Every time you ride with your teen, affirm the following contract, “I will not yell at you in the car if you will do exactly what I say when I say it.” If you feel you have to yell, pull-over and get out of the car.
Another strategy to reduce nervousness relies on risk management. Our instructors and our curriculum reduce risk by controlling the environment in which we drive. Individuals who have never driven before must practice in a parking lot before they may move on to public streets. A good way to manage risk is to limit driving according to speed. Private property, such as a parking lot, will typically have a speed limit of 10 mph. The new driver should stay in 10 mph conditions until he or she can drive as well as the supervising parents under the same conditions. Once the driver demonstrates enough proficiency to alleviate mom or dad’s fears, graduate to speeds in the 20’s (residential streets). Stay in the 20’s until your teen earns the right to drive in the 30’s . . . and so on until you cover all speeds. If mom or dad is nervous to move to the next level, the driver should not yet graduate out of the current level.
Do pull-over in a discussion
Driving requires a lot of attention in a lot of different places already. If you try to impress an important point on your new driver, the driver must either take some critical attention from the task of driving, or miss what you are trying to say. Have the student pull-over. In this way you emphasize that what you have to say is important and you emphasize that driving without distraction is important. Pulling-over frequently may also help you remain calm (our first “Do”).
Do give positive reinforcement.
Obviously your teen will make some mistakes when learning to drive. I don’t think I need to tell you to correct them. Many instructors, however, forget to reinforce the successes. Make the effort to reinforce good performance with affirmations like, “good smooth braking” or, “great turn.” Positive reinforcement lets your teen know you see improvement. It also reduces your teen’s anxiety (remember the fear of being yelled-at).
Do know your student’s personality.
If you have observed more than one child, you know that each of your children has a unique personality. Work with your teen according to his or her level of maturity, learning ability, and physical coordination.
Do enjoy your time together.
Yes, learning to drive can actually be fun! The teen years pre-packaged with a certain level of tension for each teen. Driving is a golden opportunity to share humor, tell stories of your own learning years, and work together on the common goal of your teen’s success in the car. By the way, positive reinforcement will greatly increase your chances of enjoying your time together.
Do leave your problems at home.
Focus on the task of driving and don’t introduce problem topics like chores, homework, or that troublesome friend down the street. Remember that an emotional wreck is still a wreck. If either the parent or the teen is having a bad day and giving a bad attitude, skip the lesson that day.
Part 2 of this series will introduce some “Don’ts”. In the future I will cover more practical in-car applications and update you on current legislative trends in driver education.
For more information about driver education or the National Driver Training Institute, please visit www.USDriverTraining.com or call toll free 1-800-942-2050.
Earlier, I promised you a video. The production I have posted for you is called Young Drivers: the High Risk Years. Although this is a serious and sober documentary, I promise there is nothing gross or gratuitously shocking. This film is fairly family friendly. It describes the main risks to young drivers and the kinds of measures that the government and families must take to keep young drivers alive. To view the video, direct your browser to:
www.USDriverTraining.com/DriverEdColumn.php
